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"

you held me captive

thief that takes it all

"

Exclamations of a Student Returning Home

"Oh my god. How is this bed so soft?"

"OH SWEET JESUS THIS BED IS HEAVENLY."

"MUM I'M NOT LEAVING THIS BED TODAY OKAY."

"What happened to our bathroom? Did it shrink?"

"MUM, OUR SHOWER IS HUGE! DID I SHRINK?"

"Oh my god, sofas are the most glorious invention ever."

"OH SWEET JESUS, MUM YOU GOT A RECLINING SOFA?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeahhhhhhhh..." (on the recliner)

"I am in a giant bubble of pure comfort... ahhhhhh yes... bubble... comfort... soft..."

"Are those... vegetables?"

"Is that... non-canned meat?"

"Is this... a proper home-cooked meal?"

"No! Grandma! Too much food- can't... finish... afjdklajf;fdalf-" *muffled gasps for air*

"I AM WATCHING TV ON THE RECLINER AND EATING GRANDMA'S FOOD; I HEREBY ANNOUNCE MY LIFE AS COMPLETE."

I feel like I've aged into the face of an old woman.